Woman like the tide, she comes and goes

So how am I doing? Just fine. Or did you really want to know?

Actually, I have been thinking my head might blow up for the last 24 hours.

It started last night, when it appeared that the computer had swallowed seven hours of work, by copying blank files over text. I was stunned. We were down at the cabin, it was twilight, and I stormed off across the tide flats for a little “time out”. Stalking among the icebergs helped put things in perspective. I have been rattled by the details and choices in my life.

The  job I have been waiting for came open this week, but it is only has short-term  status right now. . Do I quit four jobs to grab a better one even though it is only temporary? If the temporary job turns into a permanent job, I would be set for the rest of my 50’s. If not, I will be unemployed for the winter and known in town for quitting with two days notice. Such an American story. Juggling part-time jobs, no health benefits, watching retirement savings drain away like the tide. I realize I am not alone though. Lots of people in the same situation right now. But what to do? I have 24 hours to decide. On and on,  racking my brain. Then I look around and realize I am surrounded by ice that fell as snow maybe 700 years ago. It is hard to stay angry in the face of such beauty.

Still, I slept badly until three a.m. when it was time to go out and reposition the logs that form our dock. Standing in the dark on the  slippery, bobbing logs  with a peavey in one hand, I realized bats were circling my head. I didn’t know there were bats around here. They appeared though, attracted to my headlamp perhaps. And maybe my wild hair which might pose a nesting opportunity.

We managed to get the logs in position at high tide. It was impossible to sleep after that. So around 7:30, I decided we should probably try to go to town before the tide went out too far and stranded the skiff. Except the tide was moving much faster than I realized, as it does when it runs out 20 feet.

By the time Scott was awake,  I had gear down to the beach, and realized I had to hold the heavy skiff in the deep part of the channel. Unfortunately, I did not have my hip waders on, and the water was just high enough to cover my boot tops. So I stripped off my boots, socks, and Carhartts, and waded out into the channel with the skiff and held it there until Scott arrived. In this country, if you are naked and wet, you can dry off. If you get your clothes wet, you risk hypothermia.

That water is cold. It was full of crabs too, but I was reassured to know that if they clipped off a toe, my feet were far too numb to feel it. We got out of there, with barely enough water to float over the sand. Me standing on the bow bare legged ready to jump back in the water and push the skiff off the mud if needed.

I got to town. No bats in my hair, but a little kid somberly said to me on the street, “It looks like you are wearing a wig”. What the hell? I didn’t ask him. I imagine my hair does look crazy though, if it reflects my state of mind. That made me laugh.

At least I got to the library and found out that my files could be retrieved. A victory. I still face the quandary of what to do about my jobs. Do I stay or do I go?  At this point, I am willing to pole dance for health benefits. Luckily, that is not one of my choices. As Scott says, “your knees couldn’t take it”.

I will keep you posted.

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